Friday, March 23, 2018

A Mothers Love/Loss of a Child

Where Do I Began

The beginning........ How, why, where and so on.............going through life with never a thought of loosing your child.
In 2009 I received that dreadful call at 10pm. Surely this is not for me. I am just dreaming. The call said to get to the hospital as soon as possible. When I arrived I expected to get to his room to hold his hand and tell him I loved him. Everyone around me were in total shock. Finally it happened. I am sorry but he didn't survive. Now I am really dreaming. This is not happening. BUT IT DID!
I didn't get that last hug and kiss from my first born son. How was I going to make it without him. I had no idea about the grieving of a loved one. What do you do, where, and why? For the next year it was a fog and my life continued day by day. Questions were asked and no answers, rather none that I wanted to hear. It was a slow process and it continues to be a daily struggle. It has been almost nine years now and I still have that hole in my heart and my mind is broken going in so many directions. It's truly one day at a time, one song, one picture, one memory, that laugh, the last phone call. They don't exist anymore. Your life changes FOREVER.
I had him for 43 years of his life and as I look back I have so many memories and cherish them. I have friends and family who have lost a child as well and we just have to move forward. It becomes a "new life" with so many changes. Some are much harder to accept, but we have to continue and move forward.
I am blessed with 3 other children, 12 grandchildren, 5 great grandchildren and a wonderful understanding husband. Without my Heavenly Father and my precious family......where would I be?
No, grieving does not go away. It will always be there. People grieve in many different ways and for some they prefer not to talk about the loss. I feel better when I share my thoughts and I hope whoever reads this that they will remember to be patient with loved ones when they are going through their loss.